Happiness is acceptable and unhappiness is unacceptable. We tend to endure & tolerate varying degrees of not being happy. Tolerating unhappiness is not being accepting, which is not being happy.
- A personal boundary identifies what is unacceptable behaviour from other people
- A personal standard qualifies what is acceptable behaviour for my Self
My personal boundary for happiness is that I accept other people’s unhappiness, without tolerating other people’s unhappiness, because it is neither my issue nor my concern.
My personal standard for happiness is that I respond with happiness in a responsible way.
By taking responsibility for my own happiness and allowing others the same ability, my standards and boundaries are in alignment and there is no hypocrisy.
I cannot take responsibility for my own happiness until I realise that I am responsible for causing my own unhappiness. When I react with unhappiness of any kind, my behaviour falls below my chosen standard and I am presented with an opportunity to uncover its cause.
Happiness is a choice that I can choose for my Self but not something that I can choose for another. What I consider to be acceptable behaviour for other people is that, like me, they choose their own happiness or they choose their own unhappiness; with neither my approval nor my disapproval.
The paradox here is that I am mentally accepting when other people are unhappy, whilst emotionally choosing not to share it. I am detached from the drama of their unhappiness when I have no emotional attachment to it.
- I am sensitively detached from their unhappiness with my empathy
- I am emotionally connected to their happiness with my compassion
- I am insensitively, unemotionally, disconnected from their unhappiness with my apathy
- I am inclusively, irrationally, attached to their unhappiness with my sympathy
“My standard is to share another’s happiness without sharing their unhappiness”
- Declaring that being unhappy in my company is unacceptable, would result in my becoming a hermit
- Accepting other people’s unhappiness as my own, would render me a misery and a miserable miser.
Whereas it is my unhappiness with other people that causes me to impose boundaries; my happiness with my Self is abundant, when boundless and boundary free.
“Imposing Boundaries onto other people never promotes happiness”